Badd Boy by Jasinda Wilder

Author:Jasinda Wilder
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Jasinda Wilder

10

Harlow

* * *

Once again, I stood with my heart bleeding in my throat, watching Xavier literally run away from me. He had his shoes and socks in one hand, running down the docks at a pace so punishing it seemed impossible he could sustain it, yet he did sustain it until after he was out of sight.

When he was gone, I sank onto the chaise lounge, loosely wrapped in a bed sheet, the cool wind off the water pebbling my skin.

Autistic.

A virgin.

The virgin part wasn’t a surprise. It didn’t bother me, either. He was within a couple years of my own age and he was an adult both cognitively and legally. He was clearly capable of making his own decisions. He was a man, just…a sexually inexperienced one. In some ways his inexperience made a physical relationship with him all the more fun and exciting and different and unique, in ways he was probably embarrassed by. When he forgot to be overwhelmed and just indulged in his senses, he exuded wonder and awe and appreciation and passion and desire. He kissed like he’d been created for that singular purpose. When he touched me and went down on me—which he’d done without hesitation or qualm—he was hesitant at first and then increasingly masterful and dizzying.

I didn’t regret a single thing I’d done with him— and I didn’t feel bad about any of it. I just wish I’d been able to understand how deeply he’d been affected by what that bitch had done to him, so I could be more…I don’t know…better at helping him past the trauma to a place where he could simply enjoy sex.

The autism aspect was more concerning. I’d had no clue autism was a spectrum until he’d told me and explained it. Did it mean he was handicapped in some way? Not from my perspective, no. He’d always seemed one hundred percent self-aware, aware of me, and capable of and willing to make decisions for himself with total understanding of risk versus reward. He was just…different. Superior, in many ways, to anyone I’d ever met. Socially, sure, he didn’t quite fit into the average or normal boxes. But that was part of what made him so fresh and interesting and attractive. Yeah, he was awkward at times. Hard to understand at times. Impossible to predict, always. But talking to him, being with him, being around him—it was a blast of fresh air to someone like me, having spent so many years among a crowd of a certain type.

At NYU, in the fine arts program, you could reliably expect everyone to be smart, well educated, sophisticated, creative, artistic, difficult, mostly wealthy—with all the usual foibles and quirks of being all of those things. Of course there were outliers and the different; as you get everywhere you go, whatever you do. And then in Hollywood everyone is an actor, or has a script they’re working on, everyone is waiting for a callback or script approval or for the right producer to discover their material.

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